Paradise Lost

 

Paradise Lost, is not a story and yet it's not a poem either. It is not even an outline. It is more like a collection of thoughts, a work of fiction that loosely follows the story form as it does have a beginning, middle and end.

The Awakening (1 of 7)

Alone in a kingdom of my own choosing I strive to attain what I am denied in the outside world. The hunt begins for the man who may be my equal. My thirst is that of a vampiress craving the blood and body of one who loves with the same fierce passion and who gives way to the physical indulgence of sexual desires.

By chance meeting and brief exchange of words interest is peaked. Could this be him? Intense fear coupled with the sheer excitement of the possibilities waiting to be uncovered washes over me. Willing to risk it all to feel needed, wanted and loved, I open my heart to him. A relationship begins to form and as I look into his dark powerful eyes I am mesmerized by their vast depth. My body tingles uncontrollably and I am unable to think of anything else.

Feverish Infactuation (2 of 7)

My king is a stunning dark warrior of his own design forged by the pain of betrayal and intolerable cruelty. His emotions entombed by a lifetime of memories of excruciating torment and unconcealed disdain. He burns and amplifies the fiery hatred of those who have underestimated and misjudged him. Infuriated by his unjust exile he grows more determined to reach his ultimate goal.

Although glaring and seemingly unaffected by the cries of others, his intense features soften momentarily as I reach out to him. Resisting the temptation and the possibility of to adding to his hellish suffering he holds me at bay. Through smoldering eyes his heart betrays him and stirs emotions thought to have perished long ago. The flame within rekindled, a low and steady growl begins to
emanate from his body as he stares hungrily at me, as if daring me to move.

Caged Carnal Instinct (3 of 7)

In a tower once void of light the intrinsic battle rages on under an ever watchful moon. Disquieted by the day’s events he paces the length of the walls shielding his anguish from those who would seek to use it to their advantage. In search of him I knock then cautiously enter his bedchamber, the mere sight of me seems to augment his perplexed state.

He casts his eyes downward reluctant to look at me as I anxiously move to cross the shadowy room and stand before him. I attempt to speak but the words fail me. I move closer and tenderly place a caressing hand to his face compelling him to see me not only for who I am but for all that I willingly offer. As I unwittingly lean in to kiss him, he bolts forth enraged displaying all the savageness of the fueled fury contained within. Driving me progressively backward until my petite frame crashes into the far wall.

Instantly regretting my apparent unwelcome advance and overwhelmed by his reaction, I become fully aware of the depth of his defenses. Frustrated by his pride and unwillingness to relent, I look upon him with pleading eyes brimming with tears. Unyielding, he releases my wrists and walks briskly from the room. I watch from the small window as he heads toward the training grounds. Many will feel the ferocity of his fervent suffering this night, but I will not be among them.


Tears Fall Like Rain(4 of 7)

Shrouded by the shadows of my candlelit room, I lay within the boundaries of my enormous bed, devoid of the finery of a modest lady. My thoughts drifting to the turbulent encounter of the previous day and contemplating the righteousness of my lustful advances.

Broken hearted and alone, I spent the wretched hours of this infernal day wondering aimlessly through the castle grounds. While he remained ever away; conditioned to eradicate all bones of contention through vigorous training and carnal sin. When by happenstance we briefly crossed paths, I experienced a hindering surge of euphoria as my body trembled at the site of him. Sadly, he appeared deep in thought and refused look upon me.

Bewildered by his confounding behavior, I cannot comprehend why in the past he has repeatedly attempted to draw me closer, if he did not wish to know me. Why offer a noncommittal kiss, when such acts intensify my deep-seated desire to be held tightly in the safety and security of his Herculean arms. Cursed am I if the words "I Love You" escaped from his lips in a vacuous fashion, for they were convincingly received.

Day turned to night, just as now the night fades, dawn is approaching. The time for tears is no more, they must be wiped away with the stars for in the light of day I must be strong and defiant. No one must know of the silent cries made away from prying eyes into a mascara smeared pillow.


The Crossroads(5 of 7)

-STOP-

Your journey into the lives of these star-crossed lovers is at a crossroads.

To venture north would mean to press on into the future risking all for a chance at never-ending happiness.

To go back she must purge him from her life and dispatch of all the love she has for him, as she prepares for a humiliating plea for amnesty. If all is forgiven her life will continue on in much the same way it has been in the past, always provided for and seemingly cared about by those around her but devoid of passion.

East leads to a life of regret always wondering what may have been, while remembering what almost was and is. In choosing this path she will not belittle her feelings by apologizing for what she has done but neither will she act upon them. She will exist only in body, hollow, every breath of every day bringing her closer and closer to the death we all must ultimately face.

West her last and most unforeseeable option, TO RUN! To run far from everything and everyone she ever knew. Her future would be unpredictable. With no prophesy to guide her she may find either pleasure or pain, but to choose this track insures that one thing is certain the dark hellhounds of loneliness and despair will not be denied, they will hunt her and she will spend the rest of her life running.

For now we must wait until the decision is made. A new chapter rises from the ashes of the old and in it we may see what the immediate future holds.


Maniacal Mistress(6 of 7)

In this realm walks another, a woman clad in black. She dons a skirted leather corset and bracelets, which have been decoratively reinforced with steel embellishments. Thou small in stature this fault is eclipsed by the beauty of her muscular physique, long flowing black hair and hauntingly void gray eyes. She is known by many names but none of them true, I will call her Callisto, as her birth name should never be spoken for fear of reprisal.

Born of my pain, she hungers and hunts only to feed off the suffering of women. She embraces their torment and retains it as her own growing ever stronger. I cannot banish her from entering my subconscious mind for she is not beneath me but my equal. Callisto brilliantly exhibits the strength of an Amazon and the agility of a stealthy thief. However she experiences constant emotional pain and is hell bent on vengeance. I am plagued by her continual high-pitched shrieking, seeing it as undeniable evidence of severe mental disturbance.

Loved by none, but sought after by many she uses her charms to peek arousal in men of her choosing. Playing a cat and mouse game she allows them to believe they are the aggressors, all the while anticipating their actions and staying one-step ahead. Sadistic in nature she is incapable of love her only emotions are an insatiable appetite for sex and violence and she brings both to the bedchamber. Men who have bedded down with her do not soon forget the experience, for this hellcat leaves them with a permanent reminder.


Disturbia(7 of 7)

I wake with a start, once again alone in the real world, dripping in sweat and choked by the foreboding feelings of impending doom. Cautiously searching the house walking from room to room and finding nothing. Satisfied my fears were invoked by a vivid dream, I make my way to the shower. Eyes closed the water pelting me harder and harder as the dial turns. Enjoying the warmth, the muscles in my body begin to unwind from their tense state. My mind goes blank, to think of nothing is a welcome pleasure these days.

But even here I cannot escape my own mind. A blinding white light flashes just behind my closed lids. I am nearly brought to my knees with its intensity. As the water flows, emotion overcomes me, something is wrong. This shouldn't happen anymore, years ago I learned to channel my emotions, to put them on paper, create the players, let them do their dance and then burn all that was written so that no one would grow to know me, for surely the ferocity in which I love and hate would make me an outcast, a freak, feared by those around me.

Hastily, grabbing clothes from the drawer, then heading for the office in search of pencils and paper, I sit down to write, but instead begin to draw. Before me appears my heroine, she lays broken, locked in his bedchamber seething and bleeding. She calls out to me as she sobs uncontrollably, cursing me for my perjury. The veil from her eyes now lifted she knows her king never really existed. In reality he is just a muscle bound boy with pretty face in which when I wrote I instilled all that I could ever hope to find for myself. But I love him; because he made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me feel. I was needed, wanted, loved even if it was just for a short time. I'll never forget him.

In my ears Callisto screams, a scream of death, of defiance, of hatred. Another man, another rage. Hot-blooded hysterics is all she is capable of on days such as this. As I draw her beautiful form wretched in the agony of scorn and disgust for both me and all men, I comprehend her affliction to its fullest extent, as her feelings become mine again. I cry in pain, torment, fear and hostility, big bulbous tears swollen with emotion flow from my eyes and splash upon the paper. The wetness causes circular ripples; the lead blurs and begins to erode their forms. The façade is deteriorating, the walls of protection built throughout these pasts months crumbling.

Am I left once again to face the world alone?

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